aikido and psychotherapy

as many of you know, i am avid aikido practitioner. i love it. i do it, think it, dream it, breathe it, live it. in fact, i do it all day long. to me, when i am in my room doing counselling/psychotherapy, i am in fact doing aikido.

at a meta level, aikido has been presented by the founder, O-Sensei, as universal principles. how one would describe the ultimate experience of aikido, would be the same that would be used to describe the pinnacle experience of a musician, an athlete, a lover, an artist - and indeed, a therapist. aikido and psychotherapy are simply to me, different facets of this collection of universal principles. some call this flow, some call this ki, chi/qi, prana, being in the zone... call it what you will, it is all the same.

people around me are surprised at the rate of my growth in my aikido, and my abilities as a therapist. i chuckle inside because i know i cheat - whilst some practice a couple of hours a week, i simply practice all day long.

the principles of harmony, moving with your centre/tanden/one-point, blending, zanshin/awareness, and mushin/'no-mind', are all universal. when i am on the mat, or in the room with my client, the same principles apply. and indeed, my same weaknesses are evident. whoever has been on the mat will attest to having an x-ray vision into the people around you - and if you try, even yourself. all the idiosyncrasies that you carry with you outside, you bring with you on the mat. and i have that overcoming those challenges on the mat indeed help you deal with it when you're off.

in aikido, there are many different schools of thoughts and interpretations of techniques. the differences vary on various dimensions, but at the most superficial level, a lay person may be able to notice a spectrum of 'hardness' to 'softness' of practitioners. aikido techniques can be taught in various manners, from a very physical/bio-mechanical manner, to a very artistic, flowery manner, and anything in between. therapy similarly has numerous schools of thoughts, some very structured and rigid; whilst others very soft and airy-fairy.

for me, managing the discrepancies between different styles is almost second nature. it has come to stage where the question of 'which is style is correct' becomes laughable because they all are - in their own way. in the end, you find your own. but in the meantime, there is just so much to learn from every perspective.

i feel like there are just so much more similarities between aikido and psychotherapy that i'd like to point out, but it would be painstakingly long to explain here. maybe i'll continue this ramble sometime later... :)

team shots

oops - haven't been updating my blog recently.. quite busy/lazy/tired. but before i put up the photos, i just had a thought as i screened through my facebook homepage - why is it that most of my malaysians' friends photos are re: clubbing??? isn't there more to life than just clubbing in malaysia? i'm not trying to be judgmental but isn't that quite sad? work, club, sleep? dudes, you're no longer 18... *sigh*... anyways, back to more port arthur photos!

smell ya later~

now back from our interlude - a short comic strip from our trip in Port Arthur!


"mutha fucka... where do you think you're going?"



"oi!! how dare you leave without me!?!?"


"bye dear! i'll be sure to send you a card every year okay??"

car park confrontation

a quick interlude to my Port Arthur trip photos. this incident happened to me a couple of weeks ago. i don't know why i didn't think of blogging about it until just now.

anyhow, a couple of weeks ago, i drove home and found my reserved parking spot taken. as i live in the CBD, i have to pay for my car park, and it's a pain if someone's taken mine. feeling annoyed, i found another parking spot and put a note on the offending vehicle to "please do NOT park here. this is a RESERVED spot." although i felt that expletives were warranted, i refrained from doing so.

i also raised the vehicle's windshield wipers to gain the owner's attention, as it is easy to just drive off without realising that a note is stuck on your windshield. several moments later however, as i was still checking out the vehicle, the owner rushed out to me in an aggressive manner, yelling if i was the one who did that to his vehicle.

this bloke was in a chef's uniform, and he was fairly large - not huge, but certainly taller and bigger built than i am. not least of all, he was quite aggro as he confronted me.

joe - let's call him joe - was quite pissed off and cursing me and telling me to take the note off his windshield. my immediate reaction was one of shock as i didn't notice him approaching and he was closing into my maai (physical proximity), and i was conscious of getting into hanmi (aikido ready posture), but with my hands down in a non-aggressive manner. i was quite aware at the time that this could escalate into a nasty attack, and got myself mentally ready for any eventualities. i would love to say that i kept completely cool through the incident, but that wasn't true. i was shaking in my body - not with fear - but simply being washed with adrenaline. this was a very rare feeling to have. the only other time i remember feeling like that was when my dad and i realised someone was breaking into our car outside my home several years back. then, i thought it was fear. now i know that it's actually adrenaline.

in aikido, we occasionally do something called randori where you would be in the middle of a group and get attacked randomly. whilst these exercises are really exciting and you might get 'killed' every so often, the sensation that i got from the car park confrontation was totally different. the tension and physiological 'nervousness' between the two experience were completely different. the former was more like a fun race where you just push yourself hard; but the latter is kinda like when you have an angry brown bear running after you. come to think of it, i remember now that when i was younger, cycling around the neighbourhood and had rabid stray dogs chasing after me - i felt a very similar sensation. hmm, it was probably the same fight or flight response.

anyhow, while joe was busy abusing and cussing me, saying that he was just there was a few minutes to do a quick drop off, i merely reitirated that this was a reserved spot. in the past, i would've automatically denied everything and tried to avoid the confrontation. that day however, i stood my ground. whilst i wasn't itching for a fight, and honestly i had no idea how my aikido would have fared if he did attack me. nonetheless, the confidence that i've gained from my training and my willingness to have faith in my capabilities to defend myself allowed me to stand there, prepared to take on anything he might throw at me. in retrospect, the way we both repeated the same thing in loud voices, was a clear indicator that our reptilian brains were engaged, and that we were building up towards a physical fight.

in a twist though, instead of fanning the flames and being aggressive to him, i just stubbornly asserted that it was a reserved spot, and then asked him whether he had to be so rude. LOL. that must've thrown him off quite a bit. so rather than fighthing his fight, i started commenting about his language. not having an enemy to spar with, he walked off and commanded me to remove my note and put his wiper down by the time he got back.

i was annoyed and was so very tempted to leave the things as they were especially because he ordered me to do so. ooooohhh - trust me, it was tempting.

however, i knew that it would aggrevate things further and whilst a part of me wanted to be able to test my aikido abilities in a real-life situation, it was clear that if i did not do everything that i could to deescalate the situation in the first place, i couldn't justify defending myself physically; and so i removed the note and replaced the wiper.

the guy took several minutes before coming out of the cafe he worked in, and whilst i was still pissed off, i very consciously put on an extremely blank expression. not one of aggression or fear, just plain blank. it's kinda like the ugly mugshot you put on for your passport photo, where you're not allowed to smile. LOL. of course, i was still in hanmi and followed him with my eyes carefully and silently. i imagine it must've been quite disturbing for joe to see that as i did not react at all 'normally' - either in fear or aggression. instead, i just gave him - blank.

joe muttered as he got into his car, something about me moving my car into the spot after he moved him and then something else, but i couldn't hear him and just nodded my head slowly while maintaing my gaze. i was standing a few metres ahead of him as he was driving his car out and mentally preparing for the possibility of him trying to run me over. in the end, that he just drove off and parked in another reserved spot and parked there for the next 5 hours (ha! "quick drop off" my ass).

for the rest of the evening/night, i was still feeling the after-effects of the adrenaline rush. i was still anxious about what he might do to my car and/or my home as he knows where i live now - and i was also half wishing that he would do something so i could throw him and/or put him into a joint lock. thankfully, none of these occured and it appeared to have been resolved.

whilst my internal process were less than ideal throughout the incident, the actual behaviours that i've displayed through it was quite desirable IMHO: the situation was defused, and no one got hurt. i didn't have to run away and/or cop the blame, yet i didn't have to act aggressively either. whilst there's certainly personal room for growth, to me, aikido has proven itself 'effective on the streets'.

went to Port Arthur with cP and my brown brother from another mother last Friday. here are some pics from that day:-









more coming up after this...

an intimate evening with rural GPs

i was slated for a presentation last evening with a small number of GPs out in a small town called Huonville. LOL - sounds really country doesn't it?

it was pretty lovely - the town, the little restaurant and the food. being the first person patients normally go to if anything goes awry, GPs are expected to know everything at their fingertips. being a jack of all trades, they usually need opportunities to retrain and/or refresh their knowledge and skill base. every so often, GPs get professional development courses run for them, and yesterday was one on depressive and anxiety disorders. my organisation was contracted to do the job, and i volunteered to run the presentation.

i've always loved teaching. indeed, it was one of my main goals in life to get a PhD and just give lectures. side note: that's why if you talk to me in person, i always love yapping away about an obscure topic or two. however, as i progressed through my postgrad course, i realised that being an academician isn't so much about teaching, but instead more about doing research. the realisation was a huge bucket of cold water on me. anyhow, since then, i've decided to set my sights on other opportunities to 'teach', other than in an academic setting. and i've found doing presentations for small groups as well as doing therapy with clients one on one very enjoyable. it also helps because i'm good at it. hehe.

anyway, back to last evening. it was a really small crowd of four GPs, but that just added a sense of intimacy as we had a small section of a cosy restaurant, with an authentic wood fireplace going on throughout the evening. the audience were quite cold to start with, but slowly eased into it as the presentation progressed. in the end, it turned out beautifully and the audience seemed quite happy with it and the event coordinator informed that the evaluation that i got was very positive and that i'll get a copy of the full report later. will post it up when i get the chance. =)

ooh, i've got a day off tomorrow. very nice. going to Port Arthur (a historical site in Tasmania) with the missus and my brown brother, Shubs. will probably snap a few photos out there and post it here. cheers.

more pics from the waterfall bay bushwalk trip